Commentary: Big Tent Ideas

BAILEY JONES: From The Very Moment My Son’s Life Began, He Was Saving Mine

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I can say with complete certainty that becoming a mother saved my life. While I don’t know where I would be without my son, I do know that because of him, I am alive today to share my story.

When I was 18 years old, I left my parents’ house and started down a path of drugs and loneliness. Surrounded by all the wrong people, I moved from boyfriend to boyfriend, spending most of my days under the influence of meth, and most of my nights thinking that if my heart were to explode, it would make no difference. After all the drugs and reckless behavior, I’d wake up surprised to find that I was still alive.

But even though my heart was filled with pain and resentment, I still believed that there was something keeping me here on this earth, some greater purpose that I had not yet discovered.

Soon enough, I found myself in a bathroom, in utter shock and disbelief as I faced two bright pink lines confirming that I was pregnant. Somehow in that moment, everything changed, with the realization dawning upon me that another human life was growing inside of me. Miraculously, I decided then and there to quit using meth for good.

I would become a mother, a dream that I had secretly held close to my heart for my entire life.

While this new opportunity brought hope to my days, the fear and uncertainty of the future carried much more weight. At three months pregnant, the father of my child kicked me out of his house. There I was, a recovering drug addict only three months sober, living out of a car that barely started. Doubts crept in and overshadowed the excitement of being a mother. I was certain that my child deserved more than I could provide. Can I really do this, I questioned.

I was served with court papers saying my son’s father was taking me to court for custody of my son. For the first time in years, I swallowed my pride and that had once led me to leave my comforting home for a life of meth and promiscuity. I called my mother.

Met with blossoming joy and love, she told me that she had prayed for the day I would return and welcomed me home with open arms. Soon after, she introduced me to Embrace Grace, a supportive community at our local church for pregnant women in need.

I agreed to attend the weekly meetings held by Embrace Grace, but worried that the women there would judge me for my past. I feared they would see me the same way I saw myself, a drug addict who had no business raising a child.

To my surprise, my past was no barrier to their love and to their investment in my future. They assured me that I was loved, brave, and that I would be a great mother and that my past did not dictate my future. With their help, love, and support, I knew that I could step up to the plate and give my baby the life he deserved.

One night, sitting on a hillside alone, this doubt overwhelmed me. For the first time in years, I bowed my head and folded my hands, asking God for some indication that I was on the right path. I raised my head and to the left of me I noticed a billboard off in the distance that boldly read, “This is your sign.” In that moment, I knew that God had made me to be a mother and I would rise to that noble calling to love my baby with every ounce of my being.

A few months later I gave birth to my beautiful son, Easton, and instantly experienced a happiness that I never knew possible. Holding him as he took his first breath, I suddenly realized my purpose: to be a strong and loving mother to my son, my little miracle.

I went from spending each night thinking that my heart would burst from the drugs I was on, to spending my days wondering how my heart could possibly contain all the love I have for my son. Once consumed by darkness, I now bask in the brightness that he brings to the world.

Easton is now a happy and busy 18-month-old, and I currently work as a teacher, with plans of pursuing a degree in nursing. I am alive and I am healthy, with a grand future ahead of me, all because God chose Easton to be my son.

One day when he is older, I will sit down with him and tell him the story of my life. I will tell him how a positive pregnancy test brought me out of my darkest moments. I will tell him how my own mother and the women at Embrace Grace offered me unconditional love and support. But most importantly, I will tell him that from the very moment his life began, he was saving mine.

Bailey Jones lives in Haslet, Texas, where she is a teacher and proud mother to her son Easton Jones.

The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of the Daily Caller News Foundation.